Feb 14 2021
The core belief of Qanon followers is that there is a secret cabal of child-eating pedophile Satanists who rule both Hollywood and the governments of the world, and Trump is the Chosen One destined to bring them down. Seriously. I mean, I enjoy a nice braised toddler as much as the next man, but come on, Satanists? The absurdity of this belief is profound, the stupidity glaring. If Beavis and Butthead stayed up all night spitballing while tripping on cheap acid, this is the very thing they’d come up with.
I’m fairly sure that Qanon was created by a couple of college students while doing drugs and giggling insanely, trying to top each other with the most ridiculous, hilariously unlikely conspiracy theories they could imagine. It’s just the sort of silliness my friends and I would have come up with to amuse ourselves when we were 18 or 19.
Nevertheless, an NPR poll found that 17% of Americans not only believe in Qanon, but were willing to admit it over the phone. It’s astounding. I’ve never been so embarrassed for my fellow Americans. Qanon followers, please form a line and face right, so that I might slap each of you soundly. With a very large fish.